This has been a really hard week for me. I made a decision
that I wouldn’t let my chronic pain take over my life about three weeks ago and
that at 46 I was too young to just give up on having a career. So with that in
mind I applied for a few jobs and I considered a few others and put feelers
out. What I learned is that people can make snap decisions about you and there
is nothing you can do about it. People hurt people. Their words hurt. Their actions
hurt. This week I was told I wasn’t good enough for three positions, and you
know what, it hurt. I have always valued honesty and tried to be honest while
being considerate and sympathetic. I know I have made mistakes but who hasn’t.
But for me knowing that someone would take their personal perceptions of you
and try to hurt you in a professional way is a new low. I always knew taking
the moral and ethical route would be difficult but that’s the way I was brought
up and I am too old to change now but it still hurts to the bone when you
realise that others don’t play by those rules. So I ask those people because I
know that some of them are reading this…
Who are to judge me? What have you done that makes you so spectacular,
so superior to me, what makes what you have to say so much more important than
what I have to say. Who are you to talk over me, to fail to listen to me, to
disregard me? I don’t do these things to
you, in fact I actually listen attentively, I want to hear what you have to
say, I think it’s important that I hear your views that we can discuss and
converse about things that matter.
It angers me that people are like this and it angers me more
that some of these people are women beating down on women. It makes me so mad. I often wonder what it is
about a person that makes them not care. That makes them believe that they have
the right to influence other people’s life negatively even if they don’t really
know the person. What makes them think that their opinion is the only opinion
that matters?
So if you are reading this and you don’t give a shit about
me, just stop, run along, there’s nothing to see here. If on the other hand you
care about me, then know I am a survivor. Know that when I am told NO it makes
me more resilient, it makes me stronger and I always come back fighting. There
is nothing surer in my life than when I feel my back is against the wall, I don’t
cringe, I don’t fall down, I grow and I make sure that the next hurdle is on
the horizon.
Women like me… well we like a challenge!
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