How do In know if I am a good parent?

The other day I read an article I think in the Irish Times about how we know if we are a good parent. It’s something I have asked myself nearly every day of my life as a parent. My own self-doubt about my parenting abilities comes most definitely from the fact that as a teenager I was prone to periods of depression. It was something I couldn’t even put a name to as a teenager and even into my young adulthood. There were numerous periods of time where I was lost in my own world of a deep seated sadness; which I couldn’t escape. When I first gave birth I had so many expectations of motherhood, being a good mother, being perfect.  The expectations of perfection I had set for myself were rudely awakened when despite my best efforts I failed to be able to breast feed my child. There was no way I was going to give in this this imperfection, I kept at it attempt after attempt. A member of the healthcare team came to the room on about the third day and said that my son was not getting enough food from me and they were going to have to give me a bottle. I couldn’t let them do this as this was me accepting that I was imperfect, that in truth I had somehow failed as a mother. It took for Shay to come in and make me hand over our son before I would let them feed him. Even after this I kept going with the feeding myself, driving myself into further and deeper depression. Eventually, while at home the district nurse called and realised that there was something wrong. Again, I resisted, I couldn’t accept that I was a failure. What ensued were years of feeling depressed, years of self-doubt and years of believing I just wasn’t good enough. There was a real need in me to prove I could keep a good job going while being a good mother.  I have genuinely struggled with the doubt of whether I am a good parent or not so this article really hit a cord for me. For the past 15 years I have sought to be a good parent as I have long accepted that I cannot be the perfect parent. I have tried to have open conversations about my depression and depression in general with my children. I have sought to ensure that they were confident, articulate, honest and value themselves; values that I believe are important in this day and age. Every day I look at my children and delight in their abilities, their confidence, their seeming ability to try new things and conquer their fears. Sometimes when I see this I think that I am doing a decent job parenting, but the reality is that you really don’t know if you are a good parent or not. Children have a way of making you feel special but they also have a way of making you feel bad. Tonight as I write this I have a child who is struggling, a child that despite my best efforts I can’t seem to help, a child who I know will grow despite this struggle. I just wish I could be a better parent and help them, guide them and let them know that no matter what happens your parents are the ones who will always love you the most and while we might not always agree, it is the parents that love you that are prepared to take the risk that you might think less of them so that in the end you can have a better life.